Recipe: White Devil Sangria

Alright, I’m a smartass.  I love sangria, but I’ve found that most recipes for it kinda miss the point.  Sangria is designed to fuck you up.  It’s supposed to be potent.  That’s why it’s fun to drink it.  If I see one more recipe for “light, crisp, refreshing” white sangria, I’m gonna go straight-up off my nut.  Here’s MY recipe.

 

• 1/4 cup peach schnapps
• 1/4 cup Apple Jack or Calvados 
• 1/3 cup cognac
• 1/4 cup white sugar
• 2 carambola, sliced into rounds
• 2 mangos, peeled and sliced
• 2 white peaches, peeled and sliced 
• 4 (750 milliliter) bottles dry white wine, chilled
• 1 liter ginger ale, chilled

 

1. In a pitcher, combine peach schnapps, cognac, Calvados, sugar, and fruit slices.
2. Chill for at least an hour.
3. Pour fruit mixture into a large punch bowl.
4. Stir in white wine and ginger ale.
5. Drink. Share. Drink some more.
6. Feel fucking BETTER.

 

Recipe: The Love-a-Letta

This is my variation on the traditional New Orleans muffaletta, which holds the distinction of being the tastiest sandwich ever concocted.  I substituted Serrano ham for the prosciutto (I hate the rind on that stuff) and made this recently for myself and a pork-loving male friend who works out 8 days a week…and is always hungry. I call it the “love-a-letta” because after wolfing it down, I guarantee the person you make it for will curl into a contented ball of gastronomic satiation in your lap and gaze at you with lovingly-worshipful eyes all night long.

 

§       1 cup chopped green olives stuffed with pimientos

§       ¼ cup capers, chopped

§       ¼ cup cocktail onions, chopped

§       3 large garlic cloves, crushed

§       1 cup pitted and chopped  Kalamata olives

§       1/2 cup roasted sweet red peppers, chopped

§       1 cup extra virgin olive oil

§       3 Tbsp. chopped fresh parsley

§       ½ Tbsp. dried oregano

§       2 Tbsp. red wine vinegar

§       1/3 lb. Genoa salami

§       1 lb. provolone cheese

§       1/3 lb. mortadella, sliced

§       1/3 lb. sliced Serrano ham

§       One loaf fresh round Italian bread with sesame seeds

.       

 

1. Cut the Italian bread loaf in half, and scoop out a little of the inside. 
2. Make the olive salad by combining the olives, onions, peppers, capers, garlic, parsley, oil and vinegar.
3. Drizzle some of the olive oil and juice from the olive salad on each side of the open loaf, and do not be stingy.
4. On the bottom, place some salami, ham, olive salad, provolone, and mortadella. Top with the other half loaf.
5. Slice into wedges.
6. Serve with ice-cold beer (although it also pairs surprisingly well with Reisling).   
7. Bask in adoration.